You want me to WHAT!
by Cicilianna
Summary: [ONESHOT] Mia needs help, but knows she always has Michael to rely on. Or does she? Please read and review!


**DISCLAIMER: **Meg Cabot created Michael, Mia, Lars and all the other characters from _The Princess Diaries_. And if she hadn't done, somebody else would have had to!

**A/N: **Thank you to my beta reader, Dianna, as usual, for persuading me to put this up, and reassuring me...as well as the usual editing! I give her so much to do! Please R&R this, and also would you mind _terribly _going to read **I was the One that You Loved**? Please pretty please? ;-)

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I don't think I'll ever get over it. Seriously. I mean, I love her and all, but I didn't ever think that she'd make me...well, ask me to go and buy...that is...well, I'll start at the beginning and see where that takes me.

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It started perfectly normally. Mia's parents- I mean, her Mom and Mr Gianini- had gone out for a meal, and taken Rocky with them. Mia had invited me over to watch _Star Wars_, _The Empire Strikes Back,_ and_ Return of the Jedi_. Lars, Mia's bodyguard, was going to stay in the other room and watch the game, or whatever else was on, because he is not much of a Star Wars fan.

So, we'd ordered some Chinese from the take-out, and were sitting on the couch eating. You get the picture? What? You want more information? OK, Mia was sitting curled up next to me, and every time she moved, it sent shivers down my spine. Enough?

So anyway, we were sitting and eating and watching TV, occasionally putting bits in to the movie- like the "How long?" to Obi-Wan, when suddenly I became aware that Mia was shifting about, as if she was really uncomfortable. I asked her if she was OK.

She muttered something. "What was that?" I asked.

"Nothing..." she muttered. "I'm just going to go to the bathroom- I'll be back in a minute," she replied.

So I paused the DVD and sat and twiddled my thumbs (so to speak- I didn't really, but you know what I mean) and waited for her to return.

10 minutes later she was back. I knew from her face that something was wrong. "Are you OK?" I asked.

She looked around, as if she expected someone to be listening to our conversation and lowered her voice.

"Michael," she whispered. "I wonder if you could-" she beckoned me closer and murmured something in my ear.

"WHAT!" I exploded. "No WAY!"

"Please Michael," she pleaded, those eyes of hers looking up into mine. "Please. I wouldn't ask you if I really didn't need...you know."

"Why don't you ask Lars to get some for you?" I asked. I felt it was a perfectly reasonable question, but, from her face, you'd think that I'd asked her if she would like to jump off the top of the Empire State Building naked.

"Michael, he's my bodyguard!" She hissed at me.

"So?" I asked, still not getting it.

"I can't ask my bodyguard to go and buy me...things!"

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well, for starters, he has to go everywhere with me, and vice-versa. He can't go anywhere without me, except that he can't come in to the Ladies Room at school- or anywhere- he just has to stand by the door. So I'd have to go in to the shop with him, which I _can't_, and, even if I could stay in the limo...he's my _bodyguard_, Michael. I can't ask him to buy...those things for me. I wouldn't even ask you unless I was really desperate! Please?" She finished, looking soulfully up at me.

"Oh...alright then!" I said, trying not to sound too grudging.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She cried, looking so relieved. "Could you get me a pack of-"

And it was there, just when she was about to tell me what she needed, I stopped listening. I was embarrassed- what member of the male sex wouldn't be? -at the situation...and I guess I tuned out. Oops.

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So, that is how I found myself stomping along the streets of New York City, looking for...feminine products for my girlfriend. This is the worst situation I have ever found myself in- including that time when Lilly...oh, never mind!

Lucky for me then, you might say, that I bumped into someone I knew just as I was entering the shop.

You might say that.

Until you found out that that person was a Russian, mouth breathing, sweater-tucking-in, Violin playing _male _named Boris Pelkowski.

Who probably knew less about...girls' things than I did.

"Hey, Michael," he said, smiling.

"Boris," I said, not smiling, "I need your help. This is an emergency."

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking at me worriedly.

I looked from side to side, checking that no-one would overhear us. "Mia's sent me to get..." I whispered the last word in his ear. He recoiled.

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"Do you think they'll be here?"

"Well, this is the 'feminine products' isle."

"I know that, but men aren't usually that interested in nail-polish and lipstick and whatever else it is that women wear!"

"We could ask that assistant over there."

"_You _could."

"She's your girlfriend!"

"FINE!"

"Excuse me?" I walked up to the girl. "Umm...is this the isle where you sell...umm...mimblewimble?"

"What?" She asked.

"Umm...sanitary towels. For my girlfriend!" I added hurriedly, in case she thought that they were for me, or something. Uh, yeah Michael. Like she's going to think that.

"On your left," she indicated.

"Err...thank you!"

"Over here!" I dragged Boris over. "The assistant said that they were over- oh my God!"

Boris' mouth fell open.

We looked at each other. "Which...which one was it that she wanted?"

"Err...I don't know..." I looked at the floor.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'YOU DON'T KNOW'!" Boris has quite a loud voice. Everyone near was staring.

"Oh...we'll just take something. I'm sure it will be OK!" I said, trying to look on the bright side.

"Key words!" Boris said.

"What?" I asked, mystified.

"Does she want ones with wings? Super-absorbent ones? Small ones? Tampons? What? Any of those words ring a bell?"

"No...not really," I replied.

"Tell you what," he said. "Let's bite the bullet and buy-" he closed his eyes and pointed. "-These!"

I picked up a packet of pink, winged, super-absorbent towels. "They'll have to do."

The bored looking cashier didn't even look at them, so thankfully I grabbed a bag, threw some money at her and ran.

That is the last time I'm doing that!

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"Mia?" I called. "I've got some!"

She let me in with a smile.

"Thank you so much Michael. But it's OK now. Mom got home early and found me some of hers that I didn't know she had. But thanks anyway!"

_---UNPRINTABLE---_

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**PLEASE R&R**


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